I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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