just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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