told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When did angry sex become our thing?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
