I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
