I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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