I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
