the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
