I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
