Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
