I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
