her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How external is "for external use only"?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
