he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize