There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
