I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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