he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
