I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
