It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
