I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
