Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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