just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
