He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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