Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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