But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
