I need to stop coming to work sober
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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