VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize