Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
