Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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