If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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