Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
