found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
