uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
