So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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