Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
