my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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