Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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