I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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