He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
