If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
