My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
