I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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