i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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