We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
