Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're a waste of cheezeits
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Drake has all the answers
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
