Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
