I'm drive I can fine osifer
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
