i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
