I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
