I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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