I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
