On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
