mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
