we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
