a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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