Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
