the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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