I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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