I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
