I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
