I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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