Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had to cum in my sink.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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