well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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