is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
