I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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