All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
