eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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