my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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