wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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