overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
